


Gladio's Bad Fur Day

by yeaka



Series: The Chocobro Show [3]
Category: Conker's Bad Fur Day, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 03:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21349324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: Gladio has crude taste.
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia & Noctis Lucis Caelum
Series: The Chocobro Show [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538524
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	Gladio's Bad Fur Day

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy XV, Conker’s Bad Fur Day, the N64, or any of their contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

They’ve barely made it past the interactive title screen when Noctis mutters, “This is weird.”

“It’s an N64 game,” Gladiolus grunts. “They’re _all_ weird.”

Noctis couldn’t possibly argue that, so he doesn’t—this is no worse than controlling a sentient glove or a bear with a bird in its backpack. This one definitely has its own special flare though, and there’s a reason Gladiolus brought it over. It’s one of his favourites. He used to play it at night while his father was asleep, and he’d have to quickly throw a blanket over the television any time Iris walked by. He didn’t want to scar her for life. Noctis could use some scarring. 

The throne room scene slowly zooms out, and then it cuts to a humanoid grey rabbit doing overtly sexualized exercise. Noctis blinks, and in Gladiolus’ peripherals, he can see his prince leaning closer to the screen. “Is that animal wearing _booty shorts._”

“Yup,” Gladiolus answers, quite happy to keep his eyes on the television. This was always one of his favourite aspects of the game. “That’s our girlfriend. She’s hot, right?”

“Ew, dude, she’s a rabbit!”

“A rabbit with a great ass,” Gladiolus defensively counters, because Berri’s totally hot and he won’t hear otherwise. He had a wicked crush on her for a brief moment back in the day, before he started playing games with actual human women. He can still appreciate her exaggerated polygons. Her answering machine starts up while she’s wriggling her butt in the background.

Noctis talks over it, “She sounds annoying.” 

“Shut up.” Gladiolus recognizes that she’s a walking stereotype, but it’s one he’s into it. She might be his favourite character. Then they’re back to Conker in the bar.

Noctis astutely deduces, “Wait—is he drunk?”

“Yup.”

“Is that the main character?”

“Yuuup.”

Conker wanders outside into the bleary rain and conspicuous lack of background, and Noctis reads aloud, “’The Cock and Plucker’? Holy shit, can they say that?” Obviously, then can. Noctis’ head swivels around to Gladiolus, eyes wide. “I thought this was a kid’s game!”

“Yeah,” Gladiolus agrees, “For cool kids.” The graphics are definitely child-like, the colours bright and fanciful in many places, but the humour’s objectively adult—and that’s exactly why Gladiolus likes it. He appreciates games that are truly one of kind. 

They watch Conker plod through the rain, and then it diverts back to a throne room scene, now with the panther king. Gladiolus mutters half too himself, “Fuck, I love the villain in this game.”

“Wasn’t the squirrel on that throne a minute ago?”

The milk falls to the ground. Gladiolus loves it. He can feel himself grinning, because he knows the absolutely absurd plot that’s to come. Noctis, on the other hand, sounds totally lost. “What’s going on?”

“Just keep watching.”

Finally, Conker comes to in a generic grassy field, and Gladiolus gets to move. He pushes the controller forward, already snickering at the way his protagonist sways back and forth. Noctis comments, “Wow, you suck at this.”

For the most part, Gladiolus wants to be the one playing. It’s one of his favourite games, and he’s not willing to share, though he’s totally into getting an innocent bystander’s first-time reactions. Just for this moment, to give Noctis a feel for the amazing narrative he’s about to dive into, Gladiolus hands the controller over, telling him, “See if you can do better.”

Noctis takes the controller and tries to walk, but Conker nearly topples over. Noctis’ eyes go a little wide around the edges, which is incredibly gratifying to watch. Gladiolus can already tell they’re going to have a blast. Noctis gasps, “Whoa! _Dude_! He’s so drunk! This is _wild_!”

“I know, right?”

Until this game, Gladiolus had never played an inebriated video game character before. It was hilarious as a kid, and it’s hilarious watching Noctis move now. Noctis laughs as he tries to guide their drunken slob towards the nearby dirt patch, away from the rushing river.

Because Gladiolus isn’t playing anymore, not all of his attention’s on the game world, and he hears the front door opening. He can’t move fast enough. Before he can hide the television, Ignis is strolling into the living room. He takes one look at the screen and splutters, “_Gladio!_”

Gladio offers a sheepish wave. He knows he’s screwed.

“What are you _thinking_? Of all the childish, inappropriate—you’re supposed to be shaping his young mind, for goodness sakes!”

Noctis seems to realize what’s happening. He pauses the game and protests, “Hey, I’m a grown man—”

“You’re the _prince_, not some ignorant frat boy! I thought I taught you better taste than this!”

Noctis splutters, then abruptly abandons ship. He tosses the controller into Gladiolus’ lap and says, “He brought it; I was just watching!”

Gladiolus glares at Noctis, burning with betrayal. But it’s too late; they’ve lost the war. Ignis is already marching over and turning off the console. He yanks the cartridge out and puts it in his own pocket like he’s a teacher confiscating something contraband. Gladiolus mutters, “Killjoy.”

Ignis glares back and leaves to make dinner.


End file.
